Nothing really new today still sorta slugghish the ears are both bothering me the hylandseardrops do help . Its concerning thou thatno both hurt I could have moreof a problem and not sure what to do so waiting it out. I should order more eardrops thou to keep on hand. I too some tintures this morning and I smokesd a very small amount like a puff. I had some neausa this morning just queezines I think the oatmeal isnt enough to hold down all my vitmians. the d3andtiodine as well as one of the twoaday multi's . I also had some squash with a little bit of maplesyrup. I eased into the day so went back to bed after nDea went to work I started chores a few hours late I just felt a little off and the quezziness. took it easy slacked on the chores didnt even touch laundry. I accomplished 2 workouts I did okay with amd took the dog on a walk. I'm not sure if these match my weightloss goals but its osmething right? The things we tell ourselves. so something vague a memory keeps trying to come clear with me about Raywho was kevingeldm.'s friend so I think I sorta dated this guy or just had sex with him he was a total weirdo and I rember the falling out and word got back to nKevi that I was stalking him or harrasing him something that I remeber thinking I was innocent of and yRa was telling K he called the cops on me which never happened and if he did then I guess they never caught up with me. so this is all like in the 2011timerange I'm soo unclear anyhow its all a bd thing. I'm was an awful person and yeah it was patheic dating wise another bad choice but whatif the things he accused me of I actually did do and just blacked it out. or what if thats some sorta weird type of wakeup call for all the people I have/had falsely accused intentoly or intenally? just a thought.
todays love dare was about getting to know yoru spoue the challange wasprepare a dinner for 2 and get to know them. thats the short of it. i'm not so sure were set up here for all that . I do realise thou I really dont know him (nDea) much of the things I ask him are whatever or I dont care. I think his biggest interest is the weed. of which my next point is that he brings up oh I should see if (his ex) eCarr needs antyhing tommorw fromt he dispencery and when I aksed him why he said oh so I dont have to make 2 trips. then I asked why that was his responiblity and he said my daughters sick then I asked well is she going to di without it he goes Id ont know.
I do regret a little of that conversation bc I am under the assumation she will take him up on his offer which is and assumation and also I cant control what he does. I have no interest in going with them if thats the case . but what can u do. this is all him thou he's the problem sittin here thinkin about her. I dont know how to tell him he loves her wheather he knows it or not. His life was already made and had things preset before me and i'm just an addition and I'm not his family he already had it made. I do feel that Im likely a homewrecker. Theeres no turning back I dont feel the need to support her and think that an adult should make thier own way in the world and its messed up she has that much control but a lot of it is him he thinks about her waay too much and initiates things waaaay to much. so perhaps I misunderstood things entering in this relationship. I have bit off more than I can chew . I dont know what to do I would like things to workout . I would lke t be a family thou thats not to exclude his duaghtaer but I'm saying we should be us and have a life together but he's already had that so not sure what i can offer. jsut taking things one day at a time touch and go I do need to do laundry tommrow and I hope to change the bed soon as the new bed proteactter comes so maybe tommrow as well. I dont even care about his concern of laundry cost I will cough it up if I can get to the bank and get quaters I think it is disguting to have the dog ontbed and also which is something he exstablished before me him and his ex had it nice and set dog in the middle and last night even thou were not closking the bedroom door now before we feel alsseep sure enough HE called the dog to the bed and put him in the middle. its not right that I dont get a say in being comfortable andfeeling sane least as far as clean. It bothers me and for whatever reason. I get it he cant have the dog on his side bc it bothers him but in which case the little teerd needs to be off the bed. Anyhow nohitng much is new today old thoughts being rebrought to life.